I don’t know what’s going on. I’ve been getting so frustrated and angry so quickly. It’s like there is no in between. I’m either laid back or I’m overwhelmed.
Some of you moms have been there. Some of you are there right now with me. Your kid doesn’t listen for the zillionth time in a row and you start yelling. Or there’s now clothes all over the house but you just spent all day doing laundry and actually put them away this time. Then, there’s the dog that starts peeing all over the floor when she lays down. Why? I have no idea, probably because she’s nervous as always and I may have waited too long between potty breaks.
And it all happens when I’m alone.
No one is there to help. It’s just me and the kids and something is going down that if I just had two more hands, I wouldn’t be so overwhelmed.
As I mentioned in an earlier post about anger lodging in the heart of fools, Psalm 14 speaks to me even more tonight about not only fools, but being overwhelmed as well.
Particularly verses 4-6:
Why am I not turning to God? When I’m all alone here with my children, they are seeing me as the image bearer of God. All I’m showing them lately is anger and frustration. That’s not who God is. That is Satan with his evil plans to kill, steal, and destroy. I do NOT want me kids to see me as an evil person. I do not want them to fear me and think that whenever they do something human I’m going to explode. That’s not the kind of person I want to be. I want to be known by the peace I carry. Right now, I’m struggling to find that peace.
This, this right here. This is why journaling is important. I could’ve sat and beat myself up about all this negativity. But after more than a week I decided to start typing. Typing leads me to searching for verses to include. Searching for verses leads me to knowledge. And knowledge leads me back to God.
So for tonight, I’m going to forgive myself of the frustration and anger I’ve been so quick to jump to. And tomorrow morning, I’m going to love on my boys. I’m going to start fresh a new day. I’m going to practice running to God out loud instead of flipping the foolish switch. And I’m going to ask for forgiveness when I do the next foolish thing and move forward. Because I’m human, I’m a sinner, and I’m trying.